she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
