I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
