Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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