I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Watching her eat just hurts me
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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