I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
