sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
