Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
