Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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