I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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