oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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