my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
