They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
