Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
