I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Randomize
