our cab driver is having phone sex.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
