i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
