Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
