I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
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