you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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