i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
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