I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
