my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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