Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
