Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
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