You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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