he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
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