Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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