bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
