im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Randomize
