i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
