Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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