i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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