Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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