Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
