remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize