that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
