Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Randomize
