so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
