Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
you will always have a special place in my vag
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
