Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Randomize
