I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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