Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
