High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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