Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
