i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
