the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
He kissed a someone with a penis
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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