i just had sex bonerless
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize
