I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
