ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
