Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
