i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I wear drunk well.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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