I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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