Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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