Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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