He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Randomize
