I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
My hand turned me down
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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