Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
