Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
