I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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