He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
