your thong is hanging out like whoa
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
