I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
