im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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