I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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