Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
