umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
