I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
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