Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Even my vagina gasped.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
