I bet he comes in French.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
