a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
