I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
