Well douche your snatch and let's go!
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
