Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
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