I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
