can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
NoShamevember. You game?
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize