Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
