He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
