Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize