You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize