My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize