i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
