Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
