Soap is not a condiment
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I had to cum in my sink.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
