Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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