Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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