You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
