drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
