I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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