I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
