i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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