i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Randomize
