How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Randomize
