Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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