It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
NoShamevember. You game?
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
