Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
