you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
