Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
