That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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