i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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